Friday, 19 May 2017

Music, beautiful music

I think that our sense of music is so ingrained in us that we sometimes take it for granted. It permeates our every aspect of life. Even in its absence we constantly 'have' it in the background of our consciousness every once in a while coming up for air and becoming an earworm. There are some songs that I can 'hear' from beginning to end, some musical phrases that will repeat over and over again. It is unpredictable.

But I do apologize for my digression...

Music, beautiful music: it surely comes from divine inspiration.

I know a bit about music. I'm not a properly trained guitar player as I've mostly taught myself through reading and as a result 'bad' habits have crept in so I just call it a uniquely-my-own-style-of-music. You can go very far with only the pentatonic scale (to which the blues (and rock) is based). With the acquiring knowledge of more scales the more enhanced the listening to all styles of music becomes. With a deepening 'love' every time the appreciation of music arises and works to its peak. It hooks you. Every single time.

Music, beautiful music. Sometimes it is possible to break apart the individual components—that is, each individual musical instrument (all the while keeping the integrity of the whole). For me, it is mostly like that for all formalizable systems, though it is music that informs them all. It must be primordial to us human beings: the very first experience of interesting repeating patterns from the mother's lullaby and doting coos that builds up the acquisition of everything else after that.

Some songs are sad.

When I was a policy analyst I was very much interested in early childhood development as a statistical science and for the practical results both positive and negative to try and understand why some children continue to thrive while others suffer material and psychological impoverishment some throughout their whole lives (most dying young for want of prospects and access to essential resources, many by suicide, or (more politely) self-destructive behaviours).

But I want to say:

Music, beautiful music. |For me, you are my transcendence. My hope. I know that you'll never leave humankind (a G*d-like quality). Music by Vivaldi and Handel are some of my favourites from the Baroque period and I'm totally delighted by Glenn Gould's performances. But I 'discovered' Heavy Metal first; then, the blues before working my way up (or down) to the classics (I mean from the music I grew up with in the eighties to the old, the very old).

Music, beautiful music.

Wednesday, 17 May 2017

why am i alone?

I've lived all of my life a stranger.

I'm tired of it. I don't understand. I want to love; I want to be loved.

Saturday, 13 May 2017

What the frig'...

I highly doubt that it's only my imagination.

The so-called 'conservatives', on the main, are cry-babies.

Sunday, 23 April 2017

I think of things most people ignore

I have an irresistible need to organize things and events in my head into systems that I can map out in a 'landscape'. It is my safety net. It keeps me in touch with humanity. It keeps me calm. It keeps me safe and isolated and alienated. The notion of 'proximity' is moot.

Mostly I'm 'lost-in-my-own-head' at the expense of everything else. My family, my loves, my friends...all are beyond me. I cannot reach out and touch them even in my own presence, really.

My own admission: I have a hard time recalling the names of my beloveds' because they are more than that to me. My loves are pictures, images, and living clips of exceptional moments that define them for me.

I call them by nicknames (like my dad did with me).

In my loneliest moments I know I share my 'soul' with them. They confirm who I am as I revel in their stirrings in those exceptional moments that make my life worth living.

A casual smile, a small gesture, a simple pose, a whiff of smell...they mean everything to me.


Saturday, 22 April 2017

A post-script to "mora + metathesis = t becomes s after a strong i"

It was brought to my attention by a respected colleague that Richard Compton and B Elan Dresher (both of University of Toronto) co-authored a wonderfully insightful paper entitled, Palatalization and 'Strong' /i/ Across Inuit Dialects (2008)

In it there is an example provided from Barrow Inupiaq (p. 5):

          Stem                 Gloss                 'and a N'           'N plural'             'like a N'

a.       iglu                  'house'                iglulu                iglunik                 iglutun

b.       iki                    'wound'              ikiʎu                 ikiɲik                   ikisun

c.       ini                    'place'                 inilu                  ininik                   initun

Rows a and c do not palatalize and realize the [-lu]; [-nik]; and, [-tun] without palatalization of the first consonants, whereas row b exhibits palatalization of the same morphemes after a proto-language strong /i/ in [iki-].

In my first post I stated that there is an 'empty' slot in the onset of the first mora that metathesize with the onset of the following mora in the presence of a strong /i/. But the example above (row b) seems to have broken the pattern that I apparently saw.

Or has it?

I think I figured out how to deal with the metathesis + mora analysis such that Compton-Dresher Barrow Inupiaq example (row b) can be subsumed.

iki   'wound'       iki + tun  'like a wound'    realized as   ikisun

ok. Here is my revised stuff:

palatalization between morpheme boundaries can be formalized like this:

-plainly: the empty onset slot of the 1st mora may be treated as only 'provisionally' positional (subsegmental?) between morpheme boundaries (eg. iki + tun) when the slot is not occupied by an onset consonant in the final mora of the 1st morpheme (again, iki + tun -> ikisun).

In other words, the metathesis between the first palatal slot and the second that is palatalized is triggered regardless of whether the onset of the primary mora (ie, the one that contains V [+coronal]) is occupied or not (between morphemes or within a single morpheme), it just occurs after a strong i.

Now, I'm wondering if the process of metathesis actually converts the palatalized onset of the concatenated morpheme into a coda of the strong i or not? (do you have the answer?)


My little fixations

I've never been examined for nor diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. But I know enough, and recognize some of myself enough in the literature to strongly suspect that I have it.

At some point in my life I must have sought out human company spontaneously. But I'm socially-awkward and often don't remember to gauge my responses to social situations. At best I make people uncomfortable with my unexpected actions-reactions; at worst it is easy to victimize and bully me. My reaction time to social situations is measured in minutes, even days, you see. This often leads to crippling self-loathing and shame.

I rarely feel comfortable enough to look someone in the eye directly. It is 'painful' to me in that I don't know how long is appropriate so I tend to avoid it. I've had bad experiences. It gives me the impression that it is easy to 'hate' me. Though, my saving grace have been friends who'd come to the bat for me. But even here I have a hard time expressing my love for them all.

I have a faux marble floor in my crapper that I find entertaining. I look for patterns (mostly human and animal faces) in the marbling itself. Some images I see are comic book quality, and some I swear were drawn by da Vinci.

This fascination with abstract and found patterns permeates my being. I usually see abstract patterns only to found out that they've already been described by professionals. Physics, prime numbers...I let the juices ferment 'til I find transcendence. It is enough that I share in the experience of illumination. The spontaneous rejoicing at the moment of realization is my reward.

Lately, I've been trying to figure myself. It is not fun being depressed. I may most likely not find the answers but depression is not a permanent condition (this much I know). I know that I'm not a write-off. Though I expect I will always live alone I have a core of loved-ones (past and present) that integrate me as who I am.


Thursday, 20 April 2017

I am who I am

This is me, plain and simple.

I am who I am.

I'm not who I aint.

I have certain principles. I like beautiful ideas. I like elegant concepts.

Disregarding the 'good and bad' (ie, morality) of my actions, I'm not a "bad" person. I'm just uninformed currently. There is reason...

I've always been treated as an "exceptional" person.

My mom 'kowtowed' to my grandma's assessment of me.

I acted as"as if..."

but with "style", I hope.

I feel a sense of responsibility to be who I wanted to be. My grandma wanted me to be good. Good is me..

-the world is F***ed

should I be?

no. I'm my own man. I care about 'justice' my grandma showed me the sphere where I can say yes or no.

Growing up, there was 'yes' or 'no\'

 I did not fail. i did not succeed...

Do I still make the cut?